Say Something

Never underestimate the power of your words.

I wouldn't really consider myself a very comforting or nurturing person.  I'm pretty sure all of my friends know that if they want someone to figuratively kiss their emotional boo-boos, I am not the one.  I just don't know how to do it.  Kids are easy. They have an abundance of optimism, but when I say "Everything is going to be ok." to someone who clearly knows that it won't be, I feel like a fraud.

But in that instance, is it really about the truth or is it more important to say what it takes to soothe or temporarily "fix" the person? I would consider myself a special case.  I dated a guy a few years back who had all the drama in his life. It wasn't his fault, so no shade, but still.. There were nights when he'd break down and cry over things that were happening in his life and I was....probably the least supportive girlfriend person on the planet.  There were times where I would simply not respond, not because I didn't care but because no words would come. I feel pressured to say the right thing or the perfect thing and instead I just clam up and don't say a word.  (Is it insensitive to say that emotional people give me the creeps? Oop. Too late.) I'm pretty sure he thought I was just a b*tch who couldn't care less about him and his struggle, meanwhile I would beat myself up over my inability to connect with him and fulfill my role as his partner.  To make a potentially long story short, I'm almost certain that my seemingly stone cold heart was a major factor in our breakup.

After much thought and much time I realized that in my attempt to avoid making things worse I was doing exactly that.  Worse-making. What I thought was the lesser of two evils was the worst thing I could've done.  Nobody (except myself) is expecting me to be perfect. They're just expecting me to try.  This rings true for sooooo many facets of my life.  I learn this lesson over and over, yet I continue to let fear get the best of me and hold me back. I'm sure I've turned several relationships sour because I couldn't or wouldn't say something when they needed me to.  As blunt, glass-half-empty, and pessimistic as I can be sometimes, I still appreciate it when someone tries to be supportive with an "Everything happens for a reason" or an "I'm sorry this is happening to you."  Do these cliche phrases #fixmylife? Of course not.  Do they bring a tiny ray of sunshine to my hopelessness and a gentle breeze to shoo away my Eeyore cloud? Most definitely.  None of us are looking for someone to swoop in like a superhero and have all of the answers.  Just try. Speak up. Say something.

1 comment

  1. When you told me that rant mode was in full force, i totally expected this post to be something else. But I really appreciate the perspective. It's like you looked at the situations and made the conscious choice to focus on a different aspect. I'm glad that this particular line of thought came about because it's more constructive than deprecating. You know what I mean? Keep on growing love!


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